"Firestorm" Review
© 1998 Fontaine L.

Thank goodness for movies like "Firestorm," which make my life as a student-movie critic (yeah, right)-webmistress-procrastinator-listmom that much easier. It's a no-brainer, because anyone can tell you that "Firestorm," well, sucked.

Call me a Cassandra, but I never thought "Firestorm" would be any good, even when I was planning to go see it with my friends. The cynic in me saw its release date pushed back, saw that Fox didn't care for it much, saw that even right before the movie's release, Howie Long was a virtual unknown and not one of my friends had heard of a movie called "Firestorm." But, damn it, I really wanted this movie to be good. I wanted Howie Long to get a picture that would launch him into star status, like "Speed" did to Keanu Reeves. I wanted Fox 2000 to pull that trick off again, because I really, really, adore Howie Long. :) I'm also a big fan of little movies that can, if you know what I mean. Through all my hopes, there was this tiny voice that kept snickering. It'll never make it, it said.

This is a movie that has "bomb" written all over it - virtually no character development, utterly predictable plot, stereotypical female and villain roles, stupid dialogue, and situations that make "Mission: Impossible" seem logical. Howie Long plays the reluctant hero who is always extremely brave and is always at the right place, at the right time; and even though these heros maybe just ordinary people 5 minutes ago, they suddenly turn into action heros who kick box and have terrific aim (see "The Rock"). These cliches make me cringe - and the lack of real action made me fall asleep. The only two convincing things this movie has is the absolutely revolting bad guy (whatshisname) and the awesome fires. If only they could make a movie out of just these two.

I don't know - I'm disappointed, but I knew it was coming. Howie Long deserves better - he'd make a great hero.

Rating: D (First viewing, 1/9/98) My first (and hopefully last) D of 1998.